I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
