Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
