Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
