I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
