Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize