Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize