Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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