I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
