Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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