There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
