Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
