so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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