She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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