apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
