It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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