I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
