i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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