I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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