He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
