I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
