Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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