is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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