Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
