I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize