i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
