Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
