Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize