1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
