well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
