Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
