the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
