I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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