Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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