they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
