butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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