Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
