You can't special order awesome
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
