I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize