i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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