I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
