we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
