I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
