I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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