I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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