I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
