3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
