Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
