Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
And then he peed in my hair
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