I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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