Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Every concussion has its silver lining
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
