There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
