third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
