so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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