I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
