I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
