i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
