I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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