My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
