That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
