So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
