my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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