I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize