I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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