good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
