How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
