Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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