Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
