A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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