Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
