Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
