THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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