this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
