the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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