dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
