all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
