I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We have started to decorate penises.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
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