Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
this hospital has no fireball
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
