a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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