If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
