apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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