no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
