I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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