Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His nipple licking is glorious
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