I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Randomize
