she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
