So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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