is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
