ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
