one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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