I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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