Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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