Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
