What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
