This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
