One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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