I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
