There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
