is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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