He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
