he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
