I could have mohawked her pubes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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