That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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