I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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