Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
