It was confusing and full of hummus
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
