I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
MIDGETS
????
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
