if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
